Article Category Archives: Fiction

Carmen Is Licking Her Babies

This entry was posted on by Alice Evans.

Carmen is licking her babies. She licks their faces and they almost fall over. She’s so strong and they are so little but they seem to like it. It’s funny to watch them. They just fall over all the time with their eyes shut just getting licked around. I have my tummy on my special pillow and my hands under my chin. I’m watching them really close up which is fine because they like to be watched.

I always do this after work. I come in right off the Access-a-bus and get my pillow and get right in here. We’re all squashed up behind the sofa — me and Carmen and the babies. Mum told me to move away but she doesn’t really know Carmen like I know her. She doesn’t understand what it’s like. Me and Carmen have a special bond. In particular that is because she is my cat. That means I’m allowed to watch her close up.

Today I’ve got a bag of chips. These ones are chili or something really gross. Why would anyone make chips that taste so bad? If I was in charge of making chips I wouldn’t make anything so gross for sure. You can bet on that. I wouldn’t put them in the cupboard with the lock on either. I would have them out in big bowls. And good flavours. Not gross ones.

Little Black Cat is the one who gets the most milk. She always pushes the other kittens out of the way and gets right in there. I know someone else who is like that. My sister whose name is Ros Johnson. She always gets the best stuff and gets more than me even though she is eight years younger and that is the truth. Chips for example in particular. Ever since she was born that has always been the way. I just have to put up or shut up. That’s for sure.

When I watch Carmen I can see how much she loves her babies. She licks them and she feeds them. She looks after them and they are hers for sure. I get a feeling inside my tummy and in my heart when I’m watching them. It starts on one side and then it goes all around my body. I feel it right inside me. Really deep down and tingly. Especially tingly in my tummy. I think I know what it is but I’m not sure. I’m not going to tell anyone yet. It’s my secret and mine alone. I might tell Carmen — she’s been through all this before — but that’s about it to be honest with you.

Three Black Cats 1955 by Maud Lewis. (c) Art Gallery of Nova Scotia. Used with permission.

Little Black Cat has opened his eyes now. Before when I was looking at him I could see his eyes were open. He’s all snuggled up real close to his mom under her neck. They have a special bond for sure. None of the kittens have got Down syndrome I don’t think. But they are still special and they’ve got a special bond. Just like me.

I’m going to Group Meeting today. I go to Group meeting on Sundays. On Mondays I go to work and then I watch movies and that’s it. Sometimes I have an early night and get my beauty sleep. On Tuesdays I go to Cheer which is pretty good actually. On Wednesdays I go to Special Olympics Bowling which sucks big time. On Fridays I go to Group Meeting and on Sundays I go to Group Meeting again even though I already went the day before yesterday. And on the other days I do more movies or I go out with my respite worker and go to the Mall or something. Really it depends.

Today is a Group meeting day though. We are doing “Sharing.” I don’t know whether I will share about my secret but I think that maybe I won’t today. I think I’ll do a puzzle book instead and use the new markers — there’s a new wordsearch and I am so totally awesome at those. Really, if you give me a wordsearch you would be amazed that I am so awesome at it. Some people think that people with Down syndrome can’t read but they don’t know about my talents with the wordsearches, that’s for sure.

I have decided that I won’t tell anyone else my secret for the moment. If it turns out to be really true, I will just let the baby grow and then when it is ready I will plan a big party and have a baby shower. I’ll have balloons and I’ll invite everyone from Cheer and Group Meeting and I might invite some of the people from Bowling but not Hayden because he just gets on my nerves to be honest with you. When everyone arrives there will be a big table that they can put their gifts on. Then I will sit in a big chair and there will be lots of balloons all around. Everyone will come up to me and give me their gifts and I will say, “Thank you. You are so kind.” They’ll be so happy to give me the gifts like a pram and I’ll have really cute clothes for the baby too. I think the decorations will be yellow because that is good for a girl and a boy too. I think I will have a girl first and then a boy afterwards.

I’m going to call my daughter Lynetta Spears Florence Johnson and then if I have a boy I will call him Wayden Mark Ronan Johnson. I won’t dress the girl in only pink because it is good to have other colours not just pink for a girl. We don’t all just like pink. Sometimes we like to wear other colours like black or purple or green and that’s the honest truth. If people give me pink clothes for the baby that will be fine. But otherwise I will choose all different colours. I will get a baby alarm too so I can hear when the baby is crying. I’ll take her into my bed and I will rock her in my arms and say “Go to sleep” and then I will sing to her. I will be very patient with her because I am good at being patient. I don’t mind waiting for things like being in the line at Tim Hortons. Also, I have good people skills for sure.

I will be a very good mom. I will love my children both the same. I won’t let one of them get more than the other and watch what she wants to watch on the TV and not let the other one watch her shows even though she has been waiting for ages. And I will make sure that my children are always clean. I know it will be hard work but that is OK. My mom will help me too.

Carmen carries her babies with her teeth. She bites up on their necks and brings them back when they run away. They don’t mind because its just Mother Nature but I think she should stop really. Little Black Cat came up to me today. She’s much bigger than the other ones now. She came up and licked my finger. It’s rough and wet and not wet at the same time. If I put my hand by her mouth she will lick me for sure.

I think I am going to date Hayden from Bowling. I’ve thought about it and it is quite a good idea actually. Anyway he asked me and I said yes so he is going to be my boyfriend now for a while at least. We might try sex too because that is what you actually need to do if you want to have a baby. I do know that if you feel tingly feelings in your tummy and in your heart that doesn’t mean you are pregnant. That is just the feeling that you have when you are looking at Carmen or another cat who has babies. It doesn’t mean you are going to have a baby yourself actually. The way to have a baby is to have a proper relationship and have sexual intercourse together and then you will feel the same tingly feelings but it will be because you are pregnant. Not because you are looking at a cat. I went to Group Meeting today and that is what they said there too. Also they said that you have to have sperm go inside you. I don’t mind that I’m not pregnant now. I know I will be a good mom someday. I will be patient for now and hang out with Carmen and help her be the best mom she can be. And that is OK for sure.

Milking Sunshine

This entry was posted on by Diane Tibert.

Sky, Sand, Sea by Anya Holloway

River withdrew into the corner of the barn and cautiously watched her mother, Lily. A few months earlier, River’s parents had transformed the old backyard shed into a home where a goat could live. The goat was to replace the dog River had always dreamt of owning but her mother prohibited because of her allergies.

“The benefit of owning a goat over a dog,” her mother had said, “is it will give us milk to drink.”

This confused River. She had always thought milk came from cows. Her face had twisted in an awkward stare and her mother had smiled. “All mammals give milk after they have babies,” she’d said.

“Did you?”

Her mother had nodded. “And it was fit for human consumption.”

She’d winked and went on to explain that in some countries humans also drank the milk of sheep, yak and other animals.

The day Sunshine arrived, River waited for her mother to milk the new goat. She wanted to see if the stories about drinking goat’s milk were true. But her mother didn’t milk Sunshine. That night River gathered the courage to ask why.

“Sunshine’s owner told me she was three months pregnant,” her mother said. “We have to wait two more months until she gives birth. Then we can milk her.”

So River waited, ticking days off the calendar until sixty had passed. Still, the pregnant Sunshine held tight to her baby. When she told her mother the baby was overdue, Lily’s hand stopped in mid-cut of the potato she was peeling. For a long moment she stared at the vegetable as if it would jump from her hands.

“Maybe she’s not pregnant any more?” said River. When her mother didn’t respond, her mind searched for an answer. She was only ten years old but she had good ears and listened to adults when they talked of such things. “Maybe she lost it. Should I look for it?”

Lily released a low whimper and took a deep breath. Her voice sounded strange to River. “I’m sure the goat will be fine. Now do your homework.”

“It’s all done.” She was about to give more reasons as to why the baby hadn’t arrived, but when her mother turned, she saw a familiar tortured expression and tears welling in her eyes. Her mother looked as if she would scream in pain and it scared River. “But I have to read for ten minutes.”

She quietly left the kitchen. Instead of going to her room, River escaped to the barn to watch Sunshine. The goat was happy to see her and stuck its nose through the fence hoping to get a treat.

Three days later, River woke to Sunshine’s shrieks coming in her bedroom window. She sprinted from her room to the back door where she was in time to see her mother enter the barn. River’s heart raced. Someone or something was hurting her goat. She pulled on her boots and rushed after her mother.

When she entered the barn, the sight before her stopped her cold. Sunshine was on her side, wailing and stretching her body across the hay. A large, wet bubble protruded from beneath her tail. River could see a dark object inside. Lily was kneeling next to the goat, rubbing her belly. The worried expression that shadowed her mother’s face the past few days had been replaced with concern.

“The baby’s coming,” said Lily.

River stepped backwards and found the safety of the corner, grasping her hands behind her back. She couldn’t help; she couldn’t touch the fluid bag slowly emerging from Sunshine. With each wail the goat pushed the baby-filled bubble further out of its body. Finally the goat half stood and the baby slipped onto the soft bedding.

“Great job, Sunshine.” Lily patted the goat. She cast a relieved smile at River and beckoned her closer. “Come see the baby.”

The goat kid worked to break free of the membrane prison. Sunshine leant forward and licked the clear goo. River gagged and turned away.

“This is normal,” said Lily. “I read about it in the goat book.”

Normal or not, River didn’t want to witness the scene. She heard her mother giggle and she looked to see the little goat struggling to stand as Lily used a towel to wipe the afterbirth from its wet hair. It made a high-pitched bleat and flopped to its belly. The goat kid tried again and this time managed to stand straight.

“It’s cute,” squealed River. She relaxed her grip on her hands and was tempted to walk closer. Her mother continued to clean the baby with the towel.

“We are now the proud owner of two wonderful goats,” Lily said.

Sunshine wailed and flopped down on the hay. She gently rolled on her side and paddled her hooves in the air.

“Why is she doing that again?” asked River.

“There must be another baby.”

“Two?” River peered closer at the goat’s tail but she didn’t see a bubble.

For several minutes Sunshine moaned and wailed and struggled to release the second baby. River watched her mother. The worry had returned and it appeared that she held her breath, waiting for something horrible to happen.

The second baby emerged slower than the first. Long moments passed before Lily held the baby securely and gently eased it the rest of the way. There was no movement. Lily quickly wiped the sticky goo from its limp body. In a rush she cleaned the face, opened the mouth and nudged the baby, but it still didn’t move.

River heard her mother mumble as she gently shook the newborn. “Please, please…” she whispered. “Come on….” She held the baby in a standing position but there were no signs of life. Clutching the baby in her arms, she rocked back and forth and moaned.

The first-born kid nuzzled up to Sunshine on wobbly legs. It bleated, calling out to anyone who listened. It scrambled beneath its mother and hid behind her.

River wanted to laugh at the goat kid’s antics but her mother’s grief held her frozen in place. The anguish that painted her face now had also coloured her in the past, leaving River to wonder what had happened to create such deep sorrow.

“Mommy,” whispered River, afraid her mother would become angry or collapse and curl up into the hay sobbing as she had done a few years before. Her father had been there to intervene, to tell River everything would be okay and after a few days he was right. But her father was at work today. River could run and get their neighbour, Mrs. Collins, but she was terrified to leave.

“Will it be okay?” It sounded like someone else’s voice talking to her mother.

Lily shook her head and looked up with tears streaking her cheeks. “No,” she mouthed, releasing more tears. She motioned her daughter closer and River reluctantly obeyed. Her mother gripped the dead baby in one arm and embraced River in the other, sobbing on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” A lump formed in River’s throat and it hurt to talk.

“Because… I couldn’t save it.” Lily held tighter.

“Mommy, it’s not your fault. You can’t keep a life that doesn’t want to stay.” She felt her mother’s hold loosen and she leant far enough away to see her mother’s drawn face.

The first little goat weaved in and out of its mother’s legs and nudged the teats, looking for its first taste of milk. Lily watched the baby and half smiled.

“It’s okay, Mommy.” Lily pulled River close and kissed her cheek. They hugged until River’s arms ached. “What do we do with it?” She caught her breath, afraid she would stir up the pain in her mother’s heart.

Lily sniffed back the moisture in her nose. “We must give it a proper burial. We’ll keep it safe, near to its home, so it can be with its momma.”

River and Lily buried the baby goat beneath the great maple in the backyard. They painted a large, flat stone with flowers and wrote the name Sunny on it. Then they picked a bouquet of flowers and placed it near the stone. Lily gripped River’s hand. They stood together and admired the afternoon light on this special spot. A robin flew near, perched on a branch and sang a sweet song.

Catfood

This entry was posted on by Corinne Gilroy.

Mum was up smoking at the window. Tapping ashes into the sink. Nini’s dead, I told her. I put her last bottle of blueberry jam on the table.

Mum took straight off past me with her cigarette. Cross the gravel in bare feet like God said it, not me. So I set about making toast on the stove and took mum’s spot at the window, watched her circle ’round to Aunt Nini’s porch door. Bout twelve when I found her. Nancy was her right name.

Mum was only in there and outta sight for a second. Showed up again like a movie reversing and she backed into a spruce. Never seen her so dazzled. Bounced right off the tree and headed home. Walking normal enough, but a cigarette hanging from her lip and her face all knotted up. Never seen her not hold her cigarette before.

She stomped back in, hit the door into the porch wall. Told me to get the hell out cause she had calls to make, and make sure Kitty and Fran stay the hell out with you. Kept on stomping.

Mum brought her little black handbag to the kitchen table. The side by the phone. Nini didn’t have her own, just used the big skin-colour one on our wall. Used to let mum dump all her ashes in the sink, too. Asked after dad, her brother, but it was all guessing, never any news from the ship.

Kitty was long gone already, out shooting in the clearing since sun-up. Fran was hiding in the front room as usual til she heard mum growling. Tore out fore I could even go get her.

Had to stop for my toast on my own way out. Perfect brown right then. Stacked it up and cut down for these nice little triangles. Was going for the jam when I seen mum’s head come up out the side of my eye.

Gave me a good glare with a new cigarette hanging off her face and glasses on. Cat eyes just like Nini’s. So out I went with dry toast.

Hooked Rug by Deanne Fitzpatrick.

Didn’t occur til I was out on the step what mum dug out of her bag. An old address book I never seen in years. We never called nothing we didn’t know by heart, never wrote letters or went visiting.

Mum on the phone then. Her voice was some low hum through the windows. Nini’s cats everywhere in the yard, like they was lost. Franny sitting up on the well, hunched so far over her tits skimmed her legs. Facing Nini’s, half away from me.

I heard mum stop, nothing for a bit, then the phone jingled at her. Heard her again, then quiet, then ringing again.

I was picking all the little bits of toast off my overalls and Franny was playing with her hair when Kitty showed up. Marching down the hill with the .22 over her shoulder. Swinging a couple of dead squirrels by their long dead tails.

Me and Fran just sitting around musta tipped her off something wasn’t right. She stopped cold half-way down and called at us.

Cupped my hands around my mouth to say Nini’s dead and make sure she heard. Just like mum then, Kitty didn’t say a thing, just changed direction straight over to Nini’s porch.

Felt the sound of that first shot ‘fore I really heard it, in my neck, through those bones right behind your ears. Then crack. Bunch of birds flitted up off Nini’s roof. Her cats took crying again and Franny yelped.

Kitty came outta Nini’s with blood on her shirt and her gun tight in both hands. Might have been from the squirrels, the blood, but who knew.

She planted her feet. Put the butt of her rifle up to her cheek and took aim right there in the yard. Squinted, then another crack. A cat skitted across the gravel in front of me and blood flew the other way.

Fran wailed Kitty, Kitty, Kitty! Damned if I knew which one she meant.

Door hit the porch wall again behind me and there was mum looming. Mum’s eyes on Kitty’s made a sharp line through the air that cut her wide open.

Kitty wailed they were trying to eat her.

Fran whipped around to look at mum, then back to Kitty, trying to figure what was going on.

Kit burst again, that Nini’s cats were eating her.

Mum got this sneer, like the whole thing was rotted out, like she was gonna be sick. Put her hands up on her hips and looked down the drive away from all of us. Foolishness, she said.

I got up off the step and cut a wide path up by the well to get to Nini’s and stay outta Kitty’s way. Still looked like she was gonna shoot us all. Told Franny to stay right where she was and don’t follow me for no reason.

Nini looked pretty much same as when I found her. Flat on her back on the porch floor. Her mouth hanging open, glasses crooked half off her face. Rumply stockings, dress scooted up in a puff from tipping over. Still had hold of her can opener. One of those nice ones, red rubber handles, right up over her head in one hand like a prize. Curlers in.

Pretty much same cept for Kitty’s squirrels limp over her leg. Then I seen her fingers. First two on the hand without the can opener. The one down by her side. Top parts looked all wrong. Like chewed up spit out sandwich ham. But I just seen her a minute ago.

Nini couldn’t feel nothing so it didn’t really matter what was going on, but Kitty’s rage made a kinda sense to me, then. Til I caught sight a where that first shot went. A little orange longhair, not full grown. With a big red hole in its side, trailing down to Nini’s floor. Into the wood.

Went back out and yelled over to mum that cats musta ate up Nini’s fingers. It fell outta me, saying it. Not saying Kitty was being sensible for shooting cats or scaring the hell outta Franny, but that’s just how it was.

The dead cat in the yard, the one she shot right out in front of me, was a big old tabby we had forever. She hit it more back by its ass so it was still suffering.

I said so.

Kitty screamed at us: good!

Mum bellowed git in and I tried to grab Kitty’s eye one more time, get her to end it for the suffering tabby taking big breaths like a fish, its jaw up and down, eyes looking nowhere, but so was she, looking nowhere.

Fran went in past mum, then I did, and mum bolted the door.

Kitty showed up at the kitchen window and screamed through it with no words, just a bunch a awful, sick sounds. Eyes right round. Figured she was gonna take the butt of the .22 to the glass but she only stood there looking in, screaming.

Fran got upset again, so mum put her at the table and lit a cigarette for both of em. I asked if she called a doctor, the Mounties, and mum didn’t say, just held Fran’s hand and smoked.

Kitty gave up after a bit. Stopped staring in and screaming and wandered way from the window. Heard one more shot.

Then a while later an engine up the hill, rocks crunching. I unlatched the door, got it open just a sliver for my eye. Seen a long blue car with fins pulling up far as the well.

The shot tabby, there was new blood around its head. Car didn’t go nowhere near it, the mess. I couldn’t see Kitty.

A lady got out the driver’s side. Had black eyebrows like dad and Nini. But she couldn’t a been much older than Franny. Some fella with her. He had black slacks on, nothing on top his white undershirt. Marlon Brando, I thought of.

I spotted Kitty in the trees with her gleaming .22 pointed at em. But they were already headed to Nini’s and didn’t even see her. Holding hands.

The man came out first, with Nini folded up in his big arms. Her dress was smoothed out nice.

The woman came after but went faster. Got ahead and clicked open the big blue back door. He slid Nini in. Feet first, held her curlers careful. The woman clicked it shut, the back door. And then she slid, just let go and crumbled right down to the dirt. Wailed with her head in her hands.

She started talking. Sick hillbillies, she said to the fella. Leaving her in filth and hiding. Bleeding dead animals, cat food all over her. The words choked their way out of her, just barely.

He pulled her up and led her slow back to the driver’s seat.

Disgusting, heard her say.

When they were both in she swung the car back in a big curve toward the trees, lighting up Kitty and her gun red. Then down the lane.