Things I Never Thought I’d Say

1. “Don’t touch my face, don’t touch my face.” Repeating the mantra when the wind blows my hair in my eyes.

2. When I hear the front door open, “Strip, take off your clothes. Wash your hands.”

3. “OMG, I’d hate to be on that cruise!” On hearing about the Grand Princess passengers.

4. “Ah, this is so sweet of you. You brought me a gift that’s better than flowers,” I say, handling the 60-roll toilet paper package.

5. “Social distancing, social distancing,” I say, erecting a pillow wall in our king sized bed.

6. “Do you know they’re selling t-shirts with the face of the Chief Medical Officer?”

7. “Forget the bananas!” Reinforcing the “stay-at-home” directive to my ninety-year-old mother.

8. “What? My laptop doesn’t have a camera? I need a webcam, like yesterday.”

9. “My light switches have never been this clean.”

10. “I’m going back to my roots,” I announce upon hearing hair salons have closed.

(Original link with readers’ comments here.)

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